Sister Silence

“If I were your son, would you accept me for being gay?”

“No. I would not. I could not.”

After hearing those words, my heart stopped. How could she, or any parent feel this way about their son? After hearing this, I knew that no matter what I may try to say, she would always feel the same. She had made up her mind, and there was no room for making alterations to it. “If you choose this life, I will disown you.” She said. To which I replied, “Okay, if that’s how you feel” and then politely asked her to leave. We embraced, for what felt like the longest time. Crying and weeping into each other’s shoulders, we allowed ourselves to fall apart. It was understood that once she walked out that door, we would no longer speak to each other. She had given me an ultimatum, which I had to refuse if I wanted to start living for myself, out from under the cloak of my double life. That was my first hurdle—saying goodbye. After she left me that day, I had a panic attack. I cried so hard I actually stopped breathing. My life was changed forever.

 

PS. THIS IS JUST AN EXCERPT FROM MY BOOK: “The Open Closet: Letters From A Gay Man” (Available on AMAZON & KINDLE)

If you enjoyed reading this letter and would like to read more, please consider purchasing a copy and help spread awareness of issues  plaguing the LGBT community.

http://www.amazon.com/Open-Closet-Letters-Gay-Man/dp/1530356520/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1457716930&sr=8-1&keywords=open+closet+david+ferrell

 

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8 thoughts on “Sister Silence

  1. Thank you so much for sharing this in depth and deeply personal account of your coming out. I was heartbroken for you as I read this. I’m so sorry that this particular episode was so hard. I admire your strength in dealing with your sister and in creating this blog. As a gay man, I can relate to your words and it is comforting to me to see another intelligent man expressing how this has all affected him. Makes me feel less alone. I thank you for your excellent work. I will continue to visit.

    1. Thank you Adam! I am so happy that through my personal struggles I can help others find comfort during their own journey. I appreciate your feedback, and look forward to reading more comments from you in the future! Thanks for reading!

  2. I believe your sister calls you one day soon… She loves you, make sure about it. Just arm yourself with patience. I know it hurts but this is the reality we face, unfortunately. I’m bisexual and I haven’t come out to my family yet. I grew up in a post-soviet country within a homophobic society. But I’m not afraid of being judged by others anymore. I am the only master of my life and I live it guided by own beliefs. The only way for us to follow is our own way. To be truly happy and be able to open our hearts to love we need to accept ourselves. I wish you well! Everything is gonna be okay!

    1. Thank you talacarson…I believe you are right. To be happy in one’s own skin is the first place to start. I appreciate your support and wish you the best as you begin your own journey. Thank you for reading and sharing your story with me!

  3. My dear David, how brave and courageous you are and I truly love you for your honesty ,and being the person you are. I know in my heart that your story will help many people, also my heart breaks for you and your relationship with your sister, but Love will win, and restoration will come. Do not lose faith. I’m praying for you and Kyle, I love you both very much.

    1. Thank you Alita for reading, sharing, and commenting with such acceptance and understanding. Your love and support is very much appreciated! I believe if I have patience and faith, one day my sister and I will be reunited again. Thank you, again. We love you too!

  4. It is tough when a sibling does not stand by you. I have taken my brother’s years of little communication as his way of tolerating me. I get a birthday card or message and some email updates about family. Yesterday I was stunned by a long email message. In it he mentioned a young friend of mine whose parents were upset at his coming out. My brother wrote: “I can’t understand rejecting a child because of sexual orientation.” He has known about me for at least a decade and yet it is the first comment he has every made on the topic. Maybe some day we will actually talk about it. Don’t give up hope. It is the main thing we have.

    1. Thank you Rich—I am trying to be patient, but, ultimately there is nothing I can do, she has to make the first move. As they say, “Time Heals All Wounds.” Thanks for reading and sharing!

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